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Realistic Expectations Reduce Holiday Stress

If visions of sugar plums, harmonious relatives and a flawless holiday season are dancing in your head, your expectations may be too high.

It is easy to expect too much of the holidays, says University of Tennessee adolescent development specialist Judy Cloud Berryhill. "Culture bombards us from all directions with idealized images of the holidays fostered by the media, advertisements and songs," she said.

"We encounter images of healthy, wealthy families baking cookies, trimming trees, singing carols, opening gifts and sitting down to perfect dinners everywhere we turn during the holiday season," Berryhill said. "The pressure to create experiences like those in our own families is tremendous."

When actual experiences do not live up to the ideal, many feel disappointed, upset or worse, Berryhill warns. "Developing realistic expectations is one way to avoid this problem."

Expenses are one root of holiday problems. "Remind yourself that it is possible for your family to have memorable holiday experiences without spending a great deal of money," Berryhill said. "To set realistic
expectations about money, discuss your financial situation as a family. Develop a holiday budget that is based on what you can afford and then stick to it. Do not fall for our culture's materialistic message that only expensive gifts are signs of love and caring."

While a "media family" may be all smiles during the holidays, yours may not. "Do not expect all of your time with family to be characterized by love and harmony. Family problems do not magically go away during the holidays," cautions Berryhill.

The family life expert said, "If your brother and brother-in-law have never gotten along, it isn't realistic to expect their relationship to suddenly change when they arrive for a holiday dinner. If sibling rivalry is a problem with your children or teenagers, it is unrealistic to assume they will suddenly stop fighting on Christmas day. If your daughter is two and a half, then expect that she will "act her age" during a family photograph."

Because real families are not perfect, Berryhill says families need to give themselves permission to have normal holidays. "Everyone's holiday experience will be different. Do what works for you and your family without judging yourself against an unattainable standard," Berryhill said. "It will save you from unnecessary disappointment and stress."

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Contact: Samantha Hill, 865-974-7141